Who’s Counting?

It’s been 5 months…

DSC_0069It’s been 5 months since I became a mom. When, in the wee hours of the morning, our precious Ela entered the world, changing it completely and radically. It didn’t matter that her little head was so deformed from labour, she could have been the newest member of the cone heads clan, or that I had just spent the better part of two days in labour waiting for her arrival. Once she arrived on the scene, all I felt was complete, unconditional love.

 

It’s been 22 weeks and 5 days…

Then the terror hit. It occurred to me that I had spent the last 9 plus months preparing to have this little person, but hardly any time learning how to keep her alive! It was hard and totally foreign. When they let me take her home, or rather MADE me take her home (seriously, I would have stayed the entire first month at the hospital incessantly asking questions if they would have let me!), I dove into a panicked month of anxiety. But at that point, there was no turning back. From the first screaming cry, it’s sink or swim. I soon became the expert on the needs of this new little person. But it took time, and still to this day, I have to do a quick checklist in my mind – hungry? poopy diaper? tired? Every time I think I have her figured out, she changes her routine and I have to figure her out all over again.

 

It’s been 159 days…

Mother's Day shotI had a beautiful picture in my mind of what motherhood was.  In all honesty, the euphoric pregnancy hormones definitely added to this ideal dream. Turns out, motherhood is a whole lot of milk stains, poop splatter and spit up mixed in with a lot of love. I had expected to have those Instagram perfect moments of my baby and myself. Turns out I’m not one of those people who can shower, change my clothes or wear make-up the first month after a child. Some moms can. I remember crying the first time I saw my beautiful friend’s newborn photo shoot. Why? Surely because the pictures were so touching and lovely! They were, but that’s not why I cried. Nope. I cried because I couldn’t figure out how she had the energy to put on make-up! Sad as it was, it happened.

 

It’s been 3,816 hours…

DSC_0092I didn’t intend to become obsessed. I had pep-talked myself into only posting the odd picture here or there on social media. I definitely would NOT become one of those people who ONLY talked about my baby during coffee with my non-mom friends. And I would be quick to leave her with a sitter so I could still have some well deserved “me time”. Well, turns out, when someone depends on you for every thing, you become dependant on them too. When she’s awake, I live for the moment that she’ll go down for a nap so I can get something,
anything,
 done. As soon as she’s asleep and no longer in my arms, I find myself flipping through pictures and videos of her. Laughing and smiling at her antics and desperately hoping that she’ll wake up so I can hold her again!

 

It’s been 228,960 minutes…

They tell you that becoming a mom changes you forever. I believed them, but I never understood. Now I truly know what it is to love unconditionally, worry constantly, and live in every moment fully. If I could stop time in its tracks, I would hold on to every moment as long as I possibly could. For now, I’ll have to make do with the time I have and not miss a second of what has been given to me.

 

It’s been 13,737,610 seconds…

It’s been 159 days, 14 hours, 50 minutes and 10 seconds since I became a mom. But who’s counting anyway?

3 thoughts on “Who’s Counting?

  1. What a lovely post Cher! I totally agree that motherhood changes you forever and in so many ways! I am so happy to have a group of mom friends who are living through the same stages as me and Benjamin at the same time so we can share the ups and downs of this amazing adventure.

    Here is to many more adventures with our little ones!

    1. Thanks Marjorie! I am so thankful for the good friends like you as well. It makes a world of difference to feel like I have a team of support! We are so grateful for you and Benjamin! -Cher

  2. Beautiful post! I can relate to almost everything you’ve shared here, but I especially connected to the “It’s been 3,816 hours” paragraph. My experience is pretty much word-for-word as you wrote. It’s so good to know I’m not the only one 🙂 Thanks for baring a little piece of your soul so that the rest of us feel a little more comfortable with our own perfectly imperfect version of motherhood.

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